The Sarcastic Gospel

Dear Christian,

             You’re so right! You should totally keep holding onto your hurts and bitterness. Don't forgive those people who have hurt you. The best way to make them pay for the evil they have done to you is to keep them under unforgiveness, condemnation, and shame. Also, tell everyone you meet about how evil they are and how you’re praying for them. Tell them that God will change them because, boy, right now you’re just concerned about them and their relationship with God.

            God totally forgives you and doesn't keep a record of your wrongs, but you have a right to hold onto your sins and others’. Every time that person tries to be nice to you, just throw back his old sins against you in his face! Build high walls around yourself to protect yourself just like Christ did. That will help them see the Christ in you and also lead them to want a relationship with God--because your life is so transformed.

           Tell people you love them, but as soon as they sin against you, let them have it. God loves you unconditionally, but that would just be dumb to treat others in the same way. Love yourself and others conditionally.

           Jesus died on the cross, because he thinks you are worth his blood. But you should keep on finding your value in what others say, your job, what clothes you wear, your looks, popularity and feelings--since those things are way more important than what God says about you. He only created you. Don't live by faith in God. Trust in your feelings and in what others say about you. Also, put your trust in your experiences. Let your past define who you are, and don't let God your father speak into your life and pull the best out of you. Be careful, because he sees the best in you at all times, and you’re extremely valuable to him. But what does he know? I mean, he just created everything. That's not a big deal.

          God loves you perfectly, but don't receive that love. Just memorize the bible verses that talk about love. That way, you can quote them without letting them ever affect your heart.

          Christ took away the sins of the world. But your sins are special ones, and they are BIG. You probably should still live under the roof of shame, guilt and condemnation for the rest of your life. And as for all of your interactions with others—well, just put that roof over them too—whether they like it or not. On the cross Jesus said, “It is finished.” But all your problems are the exception to what he said.

          Life is about you getting everything you want and smooth sailing—not about you being love. Eww—just the thought of you being kind to people is disturbing and sick. The world doesn't need more of that. Don't take the words of God personally. They apply to everyone but you. Never let the way God treats you flow through you onto others. They might get the wrong idea that you truly care for them. In reality, you’re only being nice because you like the feeling you get from helping others or because you have a hidden agenda. Keep it up!

          Jesus died on the cross so that you could stay selfish. I know the whole world revolves around you. And any people who think otherwise....well, they’re the problem. I totally understand that you have nothing to be thankful for.

       

Let me encourage you in this:

          At all times be impatient, unkind, jealous, conceited, rude, self-seeking, quick to take offense, keeping record of wrongs, liking when people get what they deserve, seeing the worst in others and never the best, quick to expose faults, criticizing, condemning, complaining, not trusting, pessimistic; and last but not least—always give up on others.

Being/doing one or all of these things will give you a higher quality of life.
God is love, but you stay selfish.

Sincerely,

Your Church Brother and

Your Fellow Pew-sitter

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         I write this feeling light-hearted, yet at the same time sad because of how so many people say they follow Christ but look nothing like him. Don't hear what I am saying through an ear of condemnation. I'm not saying they’re Christians or they’re not. What I am saying is that Christians spend time with Christ. Don't get caught up in knowing doctrines without knowing him. Don’t get caught up in having more information or being right or trying to follow all the rules and laws or doing the right thing just because it’s the right thing to do. The measuring stick for knowing God is this: How much of you is love?

“..[A]nd you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”
= Be love.

God is love, and you’re made in his image. Receive his love, and let it transform who you are. Then go…be love.

Breck Boyd